My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
