I think im going to throw up on grandma
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize