at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
whose ass print is on the piano?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
