I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
