is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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