Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
