remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
