you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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