come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
