New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
