I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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