Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
