I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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