When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
