Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
