This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
