i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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