Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
