help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
