Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
