i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
