On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
