the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
