I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
