You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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