I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
