he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
