I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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