If that was your dad, he is hot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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