when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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