I'm going to jail i love you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
