Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
