grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
