I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't put those talents on a resume
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
