How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
