you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
