I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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