I'm gonna have a badass scar
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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