Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
