Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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