weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
