Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize