I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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