3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
