he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
