Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize