he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
