Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
