I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
