When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
