1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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