Having a random hookup so left but love u
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
