A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
