at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
