He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
