I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
