sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
