Kiss
Puke
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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