I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
