2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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