.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize