Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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