I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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