I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
