They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
