Sry I called you an 8
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
