Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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