I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
