She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
