what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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