So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
