I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
