My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
