Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
