Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
